:) (> Mike's Struggle <) (:

The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind. Home Of: MichaleJGranata.com & LillyMakar.com

Journal (Numb) 11/17/2016

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad … Continue reading

November 14, 2016 · Leave a comment

The game 9/27/16

  IF death is a release then I asked to be released.   and the  night is young. More to come I am sure i think update the voice have … Continue reading

September 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

These are my friends? – Journal 9/27/16

I guess I should not blame them for being brained washed by Jennifer Carson. Jenn is extremely multiplicative and they feel for her shit. Heck she has been in trouble … Continue reading

September 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

Depression 9/26/16

“When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.”-Otto von Bismarck When you lose someone you thought you could trust, that you thought was a real friend you could … Continue reading

September 26, 2016 · Leave a comment

Ever feel out of Place – Journal 9/12/16

Every feel out of place in a place you where invited, unable to get comfortable? That ever warm “Hello” is secretly covered up and meant to be a “go away, … Continue reading

September 12, 2016 · Leave a comment

An old Journal I found

Below is an old journal I found from what looks like its from 2005 to 2009. I did not edit it at all I just copied and pasted it to … Continue reading

August 31, 2016 · Leave a comment

What do you do? 3/ 21/15

When there is no one to distract you. When what do you do? When being alive feels so wrong. What do you do? When everyone’s an enemy. What do you … Continue reading

March 21, 2015 · Leave a comment

Triggering SI Triggering (New pic 3/18/15)

 These are my new scares from my self injury they are there to the story of Lisa.  And the Loss of her only time will tell it there will be more. Because the pain is … Continue reading

March 18, 2015 · Leave a comment

Latuda / Clozaril / Venlafaxine (update / journal) 2.14.15

I just wanted to journal about the meds I am on maybe these things help others. Some big things have been going in my life so this may not be … Continue reading

March 14, 2015 · Leave a comment

Frustration (journal 2/3/15)

My frustration is in what Einstein called the definition of insanity. I do the same thing over and over and expect a different out come. I do not do this … Continue reading

February 3, 2015 · Leave a comment

I am fraud – 10.7.14

I am working the best I can with my new position at work. The doubts are all over the place. The feeling of failure in every decision. Am I doing … Continue reading

October 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

Am I bad at Pancakes 7.26.14

I have read more then a few articles / postings about how to do awesome things with pancakes. I have tried to do a lot of them.  I just apparently … Continue reading

July 26, 2014 · Leave a comment

Journal ~ Eating a way to end my life.

7:37am 7/11/2014 I have gained back 5 pounds a month for the last 4 months. My highest weight was 450ponds and I went all the way down to 290 pounds. … Continue reading

July 11, 2014 · Leave a comment

Journal ~ broken, feeling of.

June 30th 2014  1:39am A mother’s family A father’s family Even a stepfather’s family And might out of all them people I have two people that gives a carp about … Continue reading

June 30, 2014 · Leave a comment

Wellbutrin XL / Latuda journal (week One)

3/16/14 2:14am – Feeling not so tired / down. Did a lot this weekend with my daughter and a friend and her kid. – so only three days into taking … Continue reading

March 21, 2014 · Leave a comment

Saphris / Latuda journal (week Three)

Even thou I am not on the Saphris right now does not mean I am not logging how I feel on the other two and that my dr might not … Continue reading

March 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

Saphris / Latuda journal (week Two)

3/1/2014 2:07am – on the 20mg now. Started it yesterday before I went to bed. I have a little more energy but I don’t know if its because I slept … Continue reading

March 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

Saphris / Latuda journal (week one)

2/22/2014: Started the Saphrigs black cherry flavor today. (I am now on Latuda 160mg, Klonopin 1mg, and Saphris 10mgs)  It tastes not so good and numbs out my tongue for … Continue reading

February 28, 2014 · Leave a comment

Journal 2.22.14

I need an outlet but I cant use this site anymore. I learned the hard way what is said here can and will be used agaist me. Posted By: Mike … Continue reading

February 22, 2014 · Leave a comment

1/16/1980 (journal)

One year older and no one cares. No well wishes 😦 No phone calls 😦 The people that asked my birthday at the hospital didn’t even say anything. I am … Continue reading

January 17, 2014 · Leave a comment

12/30/13 (journal)

10:24am So woke up this am at 9am then did a but load of running around and still have more. I have to go and fight with ssi people today … Continue reading

December 30, 2013 · Leave a comment

12/21/13 (journal)

I have been trying to practice Mindfulness, or at least the staying in the moment thing all this weekend. Which let me tell you is easier with my daughter next … Continue reading

December 21, 2013 · Leave a comment

12/13/13 (Journal)

10:00am Slept in then forgot my wallet. Now therapist time. ******* The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. — Michael Althsuler ******* 1:15pm Seen … Continue reading

December 13, 2013 · Leave a comment

12/12/13 (Journal)

Fuck it, people want to use my words against me bring it.

December 12, 2013 · Leave a comment

Posible trigger ******* 12/1/13 Journal

7:12p The best thing I did today was this tine tree assoment that will be year round in my house ========== 310 Tryes to think positive, tryied to cal my … Continue reading

December 1, 2013 · Leave a comment

Journal 11/24/13

Up at 5:30am blogging out my failurs from yesterday.   Posted By: Mike G Contact Email: MikesAnubis@gmail.com About me & this Site  My Mental Issues

November 24, 2013 · Leave a comment

What a night. 11/21/13 (Journal)

I have been sitting here at Panera Bread since I meet my possible soon to be case manager. We talked about how the closeness is an issue. I have to … Continue reading

November 20, 2013 · Leave a comment

11/18/13 (journal)

11:38am At work, slow down/numb type of morning.  Nervous about talking to my boss because of having to quite one job. I really can’t quite either and have this all … Continue reading

November 18, 2013 · Leave a comment

11/7/13 Journal (trigger)

I have been burning myself to this song. Something about it just is in my head and will not let go.  I had it on repeat last night and buned … Continue reading

November 7, 2013 · Leave a comment

11.4.13 (Am) – Journal

Woke up this morning from my three nap at 5:30am. Really starting to think that the hate that i use as fuel has started to consume me. I really don’t … Continue reading

November 4, 2013 · Leave a comment

**Triger**11.3.13 Thoughts / Journal

I have been hurt twice this year and these scares of losing people I trusted are deeper then any burn I can put on my body.  I am at that … Continue reading

November 3, 2013 · Leave a comment

Journal (5.18.13)

So I have been working for almost 7 months I have my daughter in my life when her mother wants her to be I have been stable in my house … Continue reading

May 18, 2013 · Leave a comment

First post of 2013, and its about Ativan (Lorazepam) [Journal post 1.1.13]

I have a love/hate thing going with my Ativan today. After taking about three months worth last night, or about 135mgs (.5mg x3 a day x 30) My love for … Continue reading

January 1, 2013 · Leave a comment

My addiction is food – 10.11.2012

So my addiction is food, I know how stupid that sounds and laughed at the idea when it was first said it to me. But it is true. It sucks … Continue reading

October 11, 2012 · Leave a comment

Pain / 9.30.2012

I hurt and feel sad i have this emptiness i cant feel but try with food. I eat and eat till i am fat.  Then the feelings of failure and … Continue reading

September 30, 2012 · Leave a comment

pathetic and alone 4.25.2012 ** Possible SI Trigger***

You know what I hate most about the pills, I am forced to take, is that in makes me sane enough to know that I am pathetic and alone. I … Continue reading

April 25, 2012 · Leave a comment

Journal ~ 4.6.2012 8:42am

Well it is Friday morning. I dislike Fridays because all the outside time I have to face. And all the stuff I have to do, I have Therapy Go to … Continue reading

April 6, 2012 · Leave a comment

Journal 4.3.2012 9:50am

So decided to find a new house to rent.  I am here looking at one now and thinking all negative thoughts.  I want to move but have a nice little … Continue reading

April 3, 2012 · Leave a comment

Up early getting blood work done – journal 3.30.2012 – updated

Well it’s Friday and I dislike Fridays but today stinks for many more reasons 1st is I had to get up at 5:30am to get ready to leave to get … Continue reading

March 30, 2012 · Leave a comment

The most recent scare of my life, thanks wordpress. ~ 3.29.2012 2:00pm

I had just got done posting and post about herbs when I was told my wordpress that I violated their terms of service for some reason and they deactivated my … Continue reading

March 29, 2012 · Leave a comment

2/27/2012 10:42pm *Journal*

I cannot let go of the feeling that if was my fault.  I know logistically that as a child we have no control or choice over the abuse we suffer. … Continue reading

February 27, 2012 · Leave a comment

2/8/2012 ~ 10:36am

So I had a bad day yesterday. I am just tired on “getting through things”. I don’t know why I just cant get my life in balance, it seems like … Continue reading

February 8, 2012 · Leave a comment

Journal – 1.10.2012 – 11:11pm

I am depression but can’t show it.  I can’t just lay down and do nothing.  I have to survive because surviving is the only thing I have ever been good … Continue reading

January 12, 2012 · Leave a comment

1.9.2012 – 11:50pm

So 2012 has tried early to kill my spirit.  Has it idk, but the stresses from last year definitely follow me into this one. I am faced with many many … Continue reading

January 10, 2012 · Leave a comment

12.18.2011 2:57pm

“I have only known you 14 hours, but I feel like I have known you my whole life”  She said looking at me with those big green eyes. I had a dream again but … Continue reading

December 18, 2011 · Leave a comment


It was a bad night last night, I am just so tired of eating and blowing my diet.  I ended up at rite aid looking for the healthiest junk food.  Right so … Continue reading

December 13, 2011 · Leave a comment

11/9/2011 11:33pm

Why can’t I apologize to myself? Why can’t I give myself premison to forgive me, to forgive me for all the wrongs I have done to myself? Why can’t I let go of you? Flight … Continue reading

November 9, 2011 · Leave a comment