:) (> Mike's Struggle <) (:

The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind. Home Of: MichaleJGranata.com & LillyMakar.com

2/27/17 Card n gift to Lilly

I mailed another miss you / love you card and gift today to my daughter Lilly Makar. The heart balloon hat chocolate at the bottom. It was a leftover half … Continue reading

February 28, 2017 · Leave a comment

When

Asking why just seems not to help anymore, maybe its because there is no answers or maybe because “why” is not the right question to ask. 000000000000000000000 When does the … Continue reading

February 28, 2017 · Leave a comment

This is awesome – AirMule

Behold The Future. The AirMule Drone Hauls 1,000 Pounds and Looks Like a Bug. youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Mr9sET-Xc?rel=0&amp;controls=0&amp;showinfo=0&w=560&h=315 After 15 of development, Rafi Yoeli, founder and CEO of Urban Aeronautics says he … Continue reading

February 25, 2017 · Leave a comment

4:19 pM

In my heart my blood is like acid. Quietly killing me into utter blackness.   I am sitting here thinking about life and having no hope when I read the … Continue reading

February 24, 2017 · Leave a comment

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

This hit home for me and my “Broken  theory” ————————————- by Madisyn Taylor There is nobody else like you in the world and this is worth celebrating rather than searching … Continue reading

February 23, 2017 · Leave a comment

Tick-Tock

“If you get only so many seconds if life is right, then i think I have wasted all of mine. Maybe I was borne without seconds. Maybe that’s why I … Continue reading

February 20, 2017 · Leave a comment

~Is~ ?

Is being quite about yourself a straight or weakness? Is just a defense made offense? A question bounces around my brain like a pig ball. Is being quite about yourself … Continue reading

February 19, 2017 · Leave a comment

SongS

Many songs has the idea of them looking insides at themselves.  I also have feeling, most of my life, I have been watching myself rather than do it the I … Continue reading

February 17, 2017 · Leave a comment

ILL MIND OF HOPSIN

Yo, fuck anybody I might alarm Life is a tour, I sit and ride along Taking some notes and then I write the song I’m staring down the road my … Continue reading

February 16, 2017 · Leave a comment

Bought Lilly Makar a Valentine’s day card with candy

I went food shopping today at Walmart and got my daughter, Lilly Makar , of Latrobe Pa, a Hello Kitty Valentine’s day card. shown below, and some Chocolates. and the … Continue reading

February 14, 2017 · 2 Comments

Get it out

I can see the letters but I don’t know what the words are. I wish I knew the words to release the pain that my soul feels. The letters run … Continue reading

February 14, 2017 · Leave a comment

Inside My Head

I have Monsters living in my head My Monsters don’t just come out at night They effect everything and make friends leave People do not understand why I do what … Continue reading

February 12, 2017 · Leave a comment

(412) 430-0644 Scam Alert

Sorry this took so long it is freezing in my house. It is currently 58 degrees. ——————————– Number they called me from (412) 430-0644, (412) 430-0775 Other Numbers: 201-499-7970, 202-618-4930, … Continue reading

February 10, 2017 · Leave a comment

When you try to eat to feel something

I bought Sweet~N~Sour Chicken with fried rice with Egg Roll, Plus an extra small shrimp fried rice with Crab Lagoons. I then bought from the dollar store a bag of UTZ … Continue reading

February 9, 2017 · Leave a comment

Chestnut Ridge Counseling Closing in July 2017

Update 2/13/17 i am at chestnut ridge and the lady at the front desk said that they are leaving but the county is phasing in someone else. And that company … Continue reading

February 9, 2017 · Leave a comment

Thousands of Dead Bees Wash Ashore

I wish I was a bee looking up at the sky taking my last breath. ———————- Thousands of dead and dying bees are washing up on a popular beach in … Continue reading

February 9, 2017 · Leave a comment

like the words came out of my head

01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100010 01110010 01100001 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 01101000 01100101 01100100 &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& For Viewing my blog! Posted By: Michael J Granata … Continue reading

February 6, 2017 · Leave a comment

1/25/17 I love you & miss you card for Lilly

I bought and shipping out a new card for my daughter Lilly Makar today. I sent it Certified Mail so that I can prove that it arrived and who signed … Continue reading

January 25, 2017 · 2 Comments

Angry Bob

I just wanted to share. Angry Bob was angry “I will go to a basketball game” thought Bob. “Perhaps there will have one of those promotions where each fan gets … Continue reading

January 20, 2017 · Leave a comment

Mailed out Lilly’s Christmas Gifts

I mailed out my daughters Lilly Makar Christmas gifts. I left bad bacuse it took me to the 11th of Janauray 2017 to mail them out because I could not … Continue reading

January 17, 2017 · 2 Comments

December 2016, texting to try to see my daughter, Lilly, for Christmas.

What more can I say then these are the texts that I sent out to try to see my daughter Lilly Makar to her mother Amanda Makar from Latrobe Pa … Continue reading

January 17, 2017 · 3 Comments

My Whovian Christmas (2016)

My Christmas was not bad despite that it was over showed with depression from not being able to see my daughter Lilly Makar. Most of my gifts where Doctor Who … Continue reading

December 28, 2016 · Leave a comment

Doctor Who Holidays ( Wholidays ) & link for google calendar

Hello fellow Whovians If you are like me you like all thing The Doctor and celebration of certain events with fellow Whovians is a fun part of our fandom. And … Continue reading

December 18, 2016 · Leave a comment

12/17/16

I can’t live like this I can’t live this life You just ignore me But I blend in like the wall paper I can’t ignore them The voices that scar … Continue reading

December 17, 2016 · Leave a comment

Two Christmas, Love You, Miss You Cards for Lilly (2016)

On Monday I mailed out Two Christmas cards to my daughter Lilly Makar, alone with my other Christmas cards. The reason I mailed out two of the same card is … Continue reading

December 14, 2016 · 2 Comments

New Love / Miss you Card for Lilly

I sent my daughter Lilly Makar a new I love you and miss you card. It was mailed on December 8th 2016. I do not know if Lilly is getting … Continue reading

December 8, 2016 · 3 Comments

The mistake of trying to own a car (Journal 12/7/16)

Living with mental illness effects everything you touch. The things people do that seems so normal like work, have a car, keeping an apartment, or home ownership is often a … Continue reading

December 7, 2016 · Leave a comment

My Thoughts

If you believe your government is truthful then ponder this. The government  says alien air craft or ufo’s are not real yet we do not possess the technology needed for … Continue reading

December 3, 2016 · Leave a comment

12/1/16 Journal of Reflection

I was talking to someone on Facebook about the year ending and hoping 2017 is a better year.  But then I thought about December of 2015 and saying “I hope … Continue reading

December 1, 2016 · Leave a comment

A Thanksgiving card for Lilly (2016)

Another holiday will pass without being able to talk to or see my daughter Lilly Makar . And I miss her so much! I never really did not do anything … Continue reading

November 23, 2016 · Leave a comment

I got me a TARDIS :)

Okay so it is not a real time machine, lol. So I was out shopping with family that just moved back to Pennsylvania from the west coast and I wanted … Continue reading

November 20, 2016 · Leave a comment

Text between Amanda Makar and Michael Granata about Lilly Makar. 9/6/16 to 11/11/16

These are text to my ex, Amanda Makar of Latrobe, to talk to or see my daughter, Lilly Makar, from me Michael Granata. Amanda Makar will not even respond now. … Continue reading

November 20, 2016 · 2 Comments

Journal (Numb) 11/17/2016

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad … Continue reading

November 14, 2016 · Leave a comment

A Halloween card for Lilly (2016)

I seen that Walmart had Halloween cards. I never even known that card companies even made cards for Halloween. So I bought one for my daughter Lilly Makar. God do … Continue reading

November 1, 2016 · 2 Comments

Journal 10/23/16

I have been feeling lazy with my time off from life plan.  And things have been kind of slowed down and gotten less crazy, which makes me wounder, if being … Continue reading

October 23, 2016 · Leave a comment

Ugly 10.12.16

I got some issues that no one sees. I often wounder if i cut to be ugly Or to cover up the ugly Why do I feel Ugly in the … Continue reading

October 12, 2016 · Leave a comment

Journal 10/12/16

Idk Is what to say. I am sober and don’t like it. The thoughts, the voices, the I need to run feeling. I feeling of not feeling right in your … Continue reading

October 12, 2016 · Leave a comment

Music 10/11/16

I am smoking and listening to music. “Let the bent screwdriver always fall in favor of My “not my drug dealer””. Mike G Blaaaaaahh ha haha ha .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCaq027JTGI &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& For … Continue reading

October 11, 2016 · Leave a comment

My Chestnut Ridge Counseling Services Complaint – Journal

10/10/16 I could tell you how great the nurse that does the 305 stff is. She listened to me rant for like 30 minutes. She was compassionate and caring. Then … Continue reading

October 10, 2016 · Leave a comment

A new video to my daughter Lilly Makar 9/10/16

I make these videos so my daughter Lilly MaKar can hear my voice one day and know not just by text but by voice how much I miss her. &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& … Continue reading

October 10, 2016 · Leave a comment

I want to see the world burn 10/9/16

I most of the time have a candle burning by me. Most people that know me, which is like no one, that I would like to see the world burn. … Continue reading

October 9, 2016 · Leave a comment

10/9/2016 A new I miss you Lilly Card

I bought a new miss you card, wrote in it and decorated it in minions for Lilly Makar. I keep fooling myself that she gets them Will be mailed out … Continue reading

October 9, 2016 · 2 Comments

Self Harm / Cutting / Burning

                        &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& For Viewing my blog! Posted By: Michael J Granata Contact: 724-383-6008 (Google Voice) MichaelJGranata@gmail.com Express written permission … Continue reading

October 6, 2016 · Leave a comment

Youngwood Internal Medicine: Dr Steven Mills Refused to treat me because of my mental illness

Update 10/6/16 They again refused me and my pain both from the accident and no accident related. I told the lady I had self Harm myself and she started talking … Continue reading

October 4, 2016 · Leave a comment

Blue eyed Lorin

I just remember because I wanted to read the post that i deleted it. I deleted the pain I guess. She crosses my mind often thou. She loved pigs and … Continue reading

September 28, 2016 · Leave a comment

The game 9/27/16

  IF death is a release then I asked to be released.   and the  night is young. More to come I am sure i think update the voice have … Continue reading

September 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

help is never there.

when you reach out and no one know what to do to help you.   &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& For Viewing my blog! Posted By: Michael J Granata Contact: 724-383-6008 (Google Voice) MichaelJGranata@gmail.com … Continue reading

September 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

Certification by court order that I am severely mentally ill

  MY Certification that I am mentally ill came in today. What more can I say, I am crazy / mentally ill  and in need of help that Chest Nut … Continue reading

September 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

These are my friends? – Journal 9/27/16

I guess I should not blame them for being brained washed by Jennifer Carson. Jenn is extremely multiplicative and they feel for her shit. Heck she has been in trouble … Continue reading

September 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

Early Morning Journal 9/27/16

So I went to rite aid and bought 15 dollars worth of candy and a chocolate milk. But it is not filling the hole. Not killing the pain. So i … Continue reading

September 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

Depression 9/26/16

“When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.”-Otto von Bismarck When you lose someone you thought you could trust, that you thought was a real friend you could … Continue reading

September 26, 2016 · Leave a comment

9/21/16 A new I miss you card

I have all but ran out of hope that these cards are reaching Lilly.  That her Mother Amanda Makar and her Grandmother Lori Bauer are throwing them away before Lilly … Continue reading

September 21, 2016 · 2 Comments

Went shopping :( – Journal 9/19/2016

My word of the day is Sad… My case manager went shopping with me today. She meet me at Wal-Mart and I got what I could.  But let me tell … Continue reading

September 19, 2016 · Leave a comment

Why do Dad’s have to try so hard to get what mom’s get automatically?

I had to have my attorney write and letter to my daughter’s, Lilly Makar, school so I can get information, because her mother Amanda Makar not willing to talk to … Continue reading

September 19, 2016 · 2 Comments

Ever feel out of Place – Journal 9/12/16

Every feel out of place in a place you where invited, unable to get comfortable? That ever warm “Hello” is secretly covered up and meant to be a “go away, … Continue reading

September 12, 2016 · Leave a comment

Text between Amanda Makar and Michael Granata about Lilly Makar. 8/19/16 to 9/10/16

Texts between Lilly Makar ’s Mother Amanda Makar of Latrobe, Pa and myself Michael Granata of New Stanton, Pa, These texts are from the last 30 days 8/19/16 to 9/10/16. … Continue reading

September 10, 2016 · 2 Comments

I seen my Doctor today – Journal 9/9/2016

At 9:30am I seen my psych-doctor from Chestnut Ridge today.  I have now been changed from the Doctor on the TV to a new one which I like. Something about telemedicine … Continue reading

September 9, 2016 · Leave a comment

5 Years Ago Today

I have had this site in all it’s versions for as of today (9/9/2016) it has been 5 years. Wow that is a long time. And in that time there … Continue reading

September 9, 2016 · Leave a comment

Mental heath Quote 

Treat everyone you talk to nicely and with respect because you don’t know which ones are not hallucinations. – Me &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& For Viewing my blog! Posted By: Michael J Granata … Continue reading

September 8, 2016 · Leave a comment

Which failure do I choose – Journal 9/8/16

I have two personal goals fighting each other. 1st goal is that I want to work and prove that I’m not so broken that I can’t contribute to society. Not … Continue reading

September 8, 2016 · Leave a comment

My solar /12v project (new)

I am finely getting around to sharing my off grid 12 volt/ solar / wind project on here. You can see some of my old projects from my past places … Continue reading

September 6, 2016 · Leave a comment

Amanda Makar ‘s Criminal charges for poisoning Lilly Makar

Amanda M Makar of Latrobe, Pa was criminally charged and plead guilty to almost killing my daughter.  The Charge that the Greensburg Troop of the Pa State Police issued was … Continue reading

September 6, 2016 · 1 Comment

Happy Labor day lilly – video

I haven’t seen my daughter since June 2016 because my ex Amanda Makar will not let me come and see her at her house in Latrobe, let me have Lilly … Continue reading

September 5, 2016 · 2 Comments

The System is letting Lilly Makar Down

How do the lies of bad parents like Amanda Makar get believed by Child Protection Agencies? My daughter Lilly Makar tells her teachers at Greater Latrobe School District, she tells … Continue reading

September 5, 2016 · 2 Comments

I bought a new Light House yesterday – video 

I was at Rite Aid in Squirrel Hill, which is the best Rite Aid I think, and seen out of the corner of my eye a medium sized (11 Inches … Continue reading

September 3, 2016 · Leave a comment

The letter to my Doctor from my Therapist. Sept 1 2016

I seen my Therapist Sarah Benson today at her office in North Versailles. Despite our difference in opinion I still think she is the best in the greater area and … Continue reading

September 1, 2016 · Leave a comment

texts between Amanda Makar and Michael Granata about Lilly Makar from early mid 2016,

Texts between Me and Lilly Makar’s Mother Amanda Makar and myself Michael Granata from early mid 2016. these have not been edited in any way. &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& For Viewing my blog! … Continue reading

September 1, 2016 · Leave a comment

The date was January 19th

The date was January 19th 2013, 4 days after my birthday,  and that was the first day I meet my daughter Lilly Makar. But back to that later. Amanda Makar … Continue reading

August 31, 2016 · Leave a comment

Other Cards I have mailed to Lilly

I miss Lilly and try to show it by sending card to say hey baby girl I miss you more then anything in the worl. But I don’t know if … Continue reading

August 31, 2016 · Leave a comment

An old Journal I found

Below is an old journal I found from what looks like its from 2005 to 2009. I did not edit it at all I just copied and pasted it to … Continue reading

August 31, 2016 · Leave a comment

“Pumped Up Kicks”

Karmin – “Pumped Up Kicks” LIVE (Billboard Exclusive!)     &..@.-#–@.-#…@.–**|\/|1|<3**—@–#.@….-#..—-@& For Viewing my blog! Posted By: Michael J Granata Contact: 724-383-6008 (Google Voice) MichaelJGranata@gmail.com Express written permission is need … Continue reading

August 30, 2016 · Leave a comment

If you don’t think  anxiety is real

So I went to my PCP at Youngwood Internal Medicine (in Youngwood ) today (Friday 8/26/16). All the staff there seemed nice, it was my first visit.  And I had … Continue reading

August 27, 2016 · Leave a comment

Work on tralier over the weekend. 

I have been, and am still not done putting up “Peal n Stick” back splash style tiles. The cost has had me break this project into four sections which can … Continue reading

August 23, 2016 · Leave a comment

8/23/16 A new I miss you card

I bought some new cards to mail to Lilly Makar today while i was shopping. I will mail this one out tomorrow for her. I hope she is getting these … Continue reading

August 23, 2016 · Leave a comment

Amanda Makar – Read This

Dear Amanda Makar Please feel free to try to use any thing on this site against me.  Because unlike you I don’t hide who I am from the world. I … Continue reading

August 23, 2016 · Leave a comment

Lori Bauer telling Michael Granata that he will never see Lilly Makar (Daughter) again.

This is a video recording of a voicemail left by Lori Bauer for Michael Granata (Me) on my cell phone number.  The sum of the message is that she will … Continue reading

August 11, 2016 · Leave a comment

Lilly’s 10th Birthday

I was able after not seeing my daughter, Lilly Makar , to get her so that I could throw her a birthday party. I worked my ass off so that … Continue reading

June 24, 2016 · Leave a comment

PyroFest 2016

Pyrofest 2016 was a blast!!!!!! PyroFest is an affordable community event to promote & celebrate the international art of Pyrotechnics through innovative & unique presentations. This year, PyroFest is sure … Continue reading

May 30, 2016 · Leave a comment

Shrine Circus @ Console Energy Center Weekend

I took Lilly Makar, Clyde & Shelly to the shrine circus @ console energy center on the 10th. We all had a blast and I spend tons of cash on … Continue reading

April 12, 2016 · Leave a comment

Christmas at dad’s house (2015)

Videos of my daughter, Lilly Makar, opening her Christmas Gifts.  We celebrated Christmas at my house on the 19th because I will not be able to see her again till … Continue reading

December 21, 2015 · Leave a comment

Christmas Light up Celebration

Clinton’s Christmas Light up Celebration in Clinton, Pa Cost: $10.00 per car Open: 5p to 10p Nightly A one mile drive through light display that was well worth the cost of 10 … Continue reading

December 13, 2015 · Leave a comment

My trip to Shadrack’s Christmas Wonderland

Coast 25.oo per car. Me and my daughter, Lilly,  wanted to go see Christmas lights. I google the subject and found a new one opening up in my area just … Continue reading

December 6, 2015 · Leave a comment

My Daughters 9th Birthday trip to Ohio

For Lilly’s 9th birthday we decided to take a trip instead of a birthday party.  We stayed at Maui Sands Resort & indoor waterpark in Ohio for the only reason as … Continue reading

June 30, 2015 · Leave a comment

4.5.15 – Music

For a few reason I have been into some of Angel’s songs. Why does music touch us so much?   Angel Haze – Angels and Airwaves Angel Haze – Gossip Folks … Continue reading

April 5, 2015 · Leave a comment

Do professionals care? 3/31/15

Do professionals care? Or do they wager their bets on their own needs like expenices. I had one Case Manager that cared too much, and it ended up scaring her. … Continue reading

March 31, 2015 · Leave a comment

Johnstown Incline Trip

Address: 711 Edgehill Dr, Johnstown, PA 15905 Lilly Makar, Emma, Bonnie and Myself (Michael Granata ) started out going to a park that the name escapes me, but the park … Continue reading

March 22, 2015 · Leave a comment

What do you do? 3/ 21/15

When there is no one to distract you. When what do you do? When being alive feels so wrong. What do you do? When everyone’s an enemy. What do you … Continue reading

March 21, 2015 · Leave a comment

Triggering SI Triggering (New pic 3/18/15)

 These are my new scares from my self injury they are there to the story of Lisa.  And the Loss of her only time will tell it there will be more. Because the pain is … Continue reading

March 18, 2015 · Leave a comment

Latuda / Clozaril / Venlafaxine (update / journal) 2.14.15

I just wanted to journal about the meds I am on maybe these things help others. Some big things have been going in my life so this may not be … Continue reading

March 14, 2015 · Leave a comment

Triggering caution 3/4/15

Caution pictures are graphic and may trigger some people. I have been punishing myself or self harming / self injuring myself. I have no other way to stop the people … Continue reading

March 4, 2015 · Leave a comment

Double Sided Razor (2/28/15)

I have always waned a double sided razor. Maybe just for the iconic feel of it being the cutters tool of choice. I know like most that is not true. … Continue reading

February 28, 2015 · Leave a comment

Hate the reflection in the mirror (2/25/15)

I hate myself

February 25, 2015 · Leave a comment

Thinking A Lot (2/25/15)

I have been thinking alot about GOD, me and brokenness. Religious people tell you not to question, never ask why. Because thinking i am sure is a sin. But when … Continue reading

February 25, 2015 · Leave a comment

emptiness (2/23/15)

To Feel Care For. What does this feel like? Will it be the ending of the emptiness that hurts my chest? Will it be a warm all over feeling? Will … Continue reading

February 24, 2015 · Leave a comment

Frustration (journal 2/3/15)

My frustration is in what Einstein called the definition of insanity. I do the same thing over and over and expect a different out come. I do not do this … Continue reading

February 3, 2015 · Leave a comment

Why? 10/14/14

I use to be able to say I never ask God why. But that has not been true for some time now. Recently it has been why cant I have … Continue reading

October 14, 2014 · Leave a comment

I am fraud – 10.7.14

I am working the best I can with my new position at work. The doubts are all over the place. The feeling of failure in every decision. Am I doing … Continue reading

October 7, 2014 · Leave a comment

Work on trailer 7.27.2014

My daughter told me she wanted her bathroom / the guest bathroom painted purple. The pictures with the purple on the walls are the after. I am not totally done … Continue reading

July 27, 2014 · Leave a comment

Am I bad at Pancakes 7.26.14

I have read more then a few articles / postings about how to do awesome things with pancakes. I have tried to do a lot of them.  I just apparently … Continue reading

July 26, 2014 · Leave a comment

Being a parent with mental health diagnosis

I am fearful of not getting things right. I am told a thousand times a day that I am not good enough to do anything I am doing at that … Continue reading

July 12, 2014 · Leave a comment
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