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The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind.

Mike’s Mental Health Story

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This page is to educated people on what I deal with every day.

Quick notes about me. I have had some of the illnesses below since I can remember. I have been in and out of hospitals, and treatment centers.

schizophreniaMy diagnosis, by the all knowing, doctors:

Updated 3.4.18

  1. Schizoaffective disorder Depressive type

    • Schizoaffective disorder is a condition in which a person experiences a combination of schizophrenia symptoms such as hallucinations or delusions and mood disorder symptoms, such as mania or depression. Schizoaffective disorder is not as well understood or well defined as other mental health conditions. This is largely because schizoaffective disorder is a mix of mental health conditions including schizophrenic and mood disorder features that may run a unique course in each affected person.

  2. Anxiety disorder (not otherwise specified)
    • Anxiety or phobic avoidance that does not meet the criteria for any other specific disorder. ( E.g., Anxiety Disorder, Phobia, Adjustment Disorder With Anxiety, Adjustment Disorder With Mixed Anxiety, Depressed Mood . )
  3. Agoraphobia
    • Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. With agoraphobia, you fear an actual or anticipated situation, such as using public transportation, being in open or enclosed spaces, standing in line or being in a crowd. The anxiety is caused by fear that there’s no easy way to escape or seek help if intense anxiety develops.

tardis_drawing_by_alexlawlietstein-d6vgucsWhat that means to me in my every day life is:

  • Antisocial behavior
    • 1st and foremost I am antisocial because of my illnesses. I have to be intoxicated to feel comfortable in social situations.
    • I only have a very tight circle of people I call friends and talk to.
    • I will when I am not working if I am working stay in my house for long periods of time. I have been know not to go outside for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. Working and when I have my daughter forced me to break this. But as of right now 12/16 I don’t have either to bring me out.
  • Auditory, visual, olfactory, & tactile hallucinations.
    • So to me this means that I see people that are not really there. Which is not so much an issue in till I leave my house. The medication helps with this but when I am under stress it kicks up. I deal with this by going out with people I know or wearing headphones when I go out by myself and ignoring everyone I see.
      • Hallucinations
        • See & Talking to people that aren’t there
        • Seeing shadow people
        • Seeing auras around people
        • Seeing black suv’s place they there not
        • Feeling bugs crawling on me
        • Seeing shadow animals out of the corner of my eye
  • Voices – I hear voices in my head almost every waking moment. And they have been there since I can remember. Most of them are mean in their own way. Most of them only criticize me or what I am doing, only one likes to try to tell me what to do. One voice, that does not come out often, says nice things. The voices like to say things like I am not good enough or I can’t do whatever I am trying to do. Sometime they do frustrate me enough that I fail at what I was trying to do. Or even worse I fail at what I was doing and then they rag on it for hours after.
    • They belittle me all the time; I hear them from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep.
    • Make it hard to think some time
    • Can worsen my mood and lowers my self-esteem
    • Can elevate my anger and frustration levels
    • Can make me feel uncomfortable around other people because of the fears the voices can drive inside me.
  • a2117c80d3b3b85531789da567f652f5Severe Depression
    • I have spent days in bed sleeping and when awake up starring at the walls or ceiling.
  • Rapid Thoughts
  • Paranoia – I can feel it may different way, either a pain attack or a feeling of run run run. Some of the time or places are listed below.
    • That people are conspiring against me
    • That people are trying to harm me
    • That people are trying to take my stuff
    • That people are watching me
    • Elevators – death boxes
    • That extreme thing are going to happen
    • Leaving my house
    • That people can read my thoughts and know what I am thinking.
  • Delusions
  • Anxiety
    • Not being able to go outside (without medications)
    • Being outside
    • People are watching
    • Things are out of my control and bad things will happen
    • Being to broken and people noticing it
    • I don’t like to be in crowds or around more than 5 people at a time.
    • off and on nervous ticks,
      • like my eye twitching
      • cough/ in my teens
      • can’t say words right all/ my life when stressed
      • cracking my left jaw joint/ 2011 & 2012
  • My cat Fred
    • Fred the Cat is a visual hallucination that comes around from time to time to let me know I am screwing up. He use to when I was younger and being raped comfort me by taking me to his homeland where nothing bad ever happened.
  • Disorganized /Derailment/ Rapid Thought
    • To me this means I am a conductor of the thought in my head. It also means that I am an intuptor of the thoughts. Which one are relavint to what I am doing and which ones can keep bouncing around in my head for later.
  • Mood swings
  • Trust Issues – Well if you read my blog specifically about my past this is not a surprise.
  • OCD impulses
    • My house is usually spotless, but this is lacking because of the depression lately.
    • I have to keep certain items with me at all times.
  • Impulses
    • Have to watch the cctv camera
    • Have to be prepared for things
    • Have to be have weapons on or around, I sleep with my gun, a knife and baseball bat as an example.
    • H15288642_1690849104561637_3220844708455592276_oave to check email’s
    • Have to be organized
    • Have to keep useful things

 

Medications I Take:

  1. Psychiatrist = Jeff Turgeon @Chestnut Ridge Connellsville, PA
    • Abilify Maintena 400ml (Anti-psychotic)
      • Once a Month Shot give By Chestnut Ridge
  2. PCP = Dr Steven Mills & Associates office @ Youngwood, Pa.
    • Sumatriptan Tab 100mg (Migraines)(as Needed)
    • Lisinopril TAB 30mg (Blood Pressure)(daily)
  3. From the store/ Web
    • Green Garden Hemp Seed Oil
    • Tangy Tangerine multi-vitamin & mineral complex
    • Airborne Original Vitaminps_1387_dogs_people

 

 

 

 

 

 


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“Give me liberty, or give me death!” Patrick Henry

“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” – Philip K. Dick

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” — Doctor Who

“Science is inherently neither a potential for good nor for evil. It is a potential to be harnessed by man to do his bidding.” – Glenn T. Seaborg

“The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.” – Tom Smothers

“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” ― Charles Addams

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” Albert Einstein

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”George Orwell

“Not attacking anyone but the system, I don’t blame any person but the system” – Henry Ford

“If you don’t work on important problems, it’s not likely that you’ll do important work”. – Richard Hamming

“If you can’t explain it simply, then you don’t understand it well enough” Unknown

“I would rather sit behind bars standing up for what I believe in, than giving in to something I strongly don’t believe in,” Rebecca Bredow

“He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” Benjamin Franklin

“Technical skill is mastery of complexity while creativity is mastery of simplicity.” Sir Erik Christopher Zeeman

“It takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a soldier to fight on a battlefield.” W.B. Yeats

“Being in a minority, even in a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad.” – Orwell

“Genius is eternal patience” – Michelangelo
“The ‘off switch’ to mitigate the unjust harm that killer robots may cause is in each one of us.” Michael Robillard
“There are two different types of people in the world, those who want to know, and those who want to believe.”- Friedrich Nietzsche
“Just as no one is morally required to answer a robber truthfully when he asks if there are any valuables in one’s house, so no one can be morally required to answer truthfully similar questions asked by the State, when filling out income tax returns.” Murray Rothbard

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“When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.” Otto von Bismarck

“The government is not your nanny; they’re your dealer. And they’ve subsidized illness in this country. They have to, there’s too much money in it. You see, there’s no money in healthy people, and there’s no money in dead people. The money is in the middle: people who are alive, sort of, but with one or more chronic condition” Bill Maher

“Remember, remember, the 5th of November The Gunpowder Treason and plot; I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason Should ever be forgot.”

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“Until we consider animal life to be worthy of the consideration and reverence we bestow upon old books and pictures and historic monuments, there will always be the animal refugee living a precarious life on the edge of extermination, dependent for existence on the charity of a few human beings.” Gerald Durrell
“It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.” Julius Caesar

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