The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind. Home Of: MichaleJGranata.com & LillyMakar.com
I do, I did yesterday, and I know I will again.I have even felt this at events or cook out that I thrown at my own house.
And I feel even worse now today because I could not stay the whole time. That I used, but not untrue, my sleepiness to leave early. Because you can not say to someone without hurting there feelings that :you feel out of place at their event: and you can’t stay. People will see your brokenness if you do, but not realize it is that, and just feel your acting like an asshole.
Something that I am told a lot because people don’t understand what, or why I do what I do. And it is easier to agree, apologize for, or crack a joke about it then it is to open up and say “sorry but no I am just ______”. Because isn’t being an asshole more accepted then being Mental Ill. But you not an ass whole and even thou may say :yeah that’s me, or nope I am a hole ass”, all you want is more anti – anxiety medications to slow down the voices in your head that is choreographing one by one how much every person you can see hates and feel contempt that your alive and wishes you weren’t.
And can you fight with the voices, no no no, you know your a waste of space, so logically why wouldn’t others. Why would you expect that over the years of hearing stories of your “assholeness” they would like you. I would not like me. What is the saying you have to like yourself before others will. And I hate myself, so there is that to add to the logic. Oh and if they knew the truth they would demand you not to even be there. People would rather tolerate an asshole then an mental ill psychopath. So is it not better to be that asshole because then you can go and show the ones at the event that you care for that you care. Which is something you don’t do well anyway because caring is weakness, because it always leads to you being hurt. But that’s something for any-other day.
Today I am broken, today I am just that Asshole people may or may not like.
*** If you ever feel this way, ever, just know that you are not alone. That others feel it to.
“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” – Philip K. Dick
“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” — Doctor Who
“The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.” – Tom Smothers
“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.” ― George Orwell
“If you don’t work on important problems, it’s not likely that you’ll do important work”. – Richard Hamming
“Being in a minority, even in a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad.” – Orwell