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The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind. Home Of: MichaleJGranata.com & LillyMakar.com

Journal ~ Eating a way to end my life.

7:37am 7/11/2014

I have gained back 5 pounds a month for the last 4 months. My highest weight was 450ponds and I went all the way down to 290 pounds. But since I stopped burning myself regularly to coup with the worthlessness I feel I have been eating more and more.

I know my eating is more then a coping skill. I just don’t want it to be.

I just can’t get a break, I try. I push forward. I fight to do what’s right, But the shit keeps piling up.

●Can’t get a good job.  Because I was to stupid to get help for my mental issues and thus became a piece of shit felon.
●No one cares if you change because do people really ever change?
●Job I have isn’t paying the bills.
●I wrote the rent check on the wrong account and caused 100 dollars worth of fees. Now I have 3 buck in my account till my next pay and not enough at all to pay the bills I need to pay.
●The car is breaking down.
●My house looks like shit and not even one room is completely finished.
●I have nothing close to what I need in my propane account. And summer is half gone. So no heat for me this winter.
●All the agency that are there to help won’t because I am not worth t and they can tell.
●And I am just a failure in general.
●Its going on 9 years since my last relationship. Because women see me as my fuck up of a self.
●The get more friends plan my therapist hached is failing.
●I want to die, I want to leave this hell whole. Which makes me feel like a piece of shit cause I would leave my daughter behind.
●I feel lije a failure to my daughter because I can’t do the things I want with here cause I am broke.
●the people in my head will not shut up. They are singing a masterpiece to all my lifes failure. Name one by one.
●I can’t trust the people I go to to help me. So basically I am to broken to be able to be fixed. Example I lied to the doctor today about how things ate because I know I can’t trust him.
●I am to stupid to spell.


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Posted By: Michael J Granata
724-383-6008 (Google Voice)

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“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” – Philip K. Dick

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” — Doctor Who

“The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.” – Tom Smothers

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”George Orwell

“Not attacking anyone but the system, I don’t blame any person but the system” – Henry Ford

“If you don’t work on important problems, it’s not likely that you’ll do important work”. – Richard Hamming

“Being in a minority, even in a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad.” – Orwell

“Genius is eternal patience” – Michelangelo
“There are two different types of people in the world, those who want to know, and those who want to believe.”- Friedrich Nietzsche

The Path Home

“When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.” Otto von Bismarck




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This entry was posted on July 11, 2014 by in Journal and tagged , , .
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