The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind. Home Of: MichaleJGranata.com & LillyMakar.com
2:07am – on the 20mg now. Started it yesterday before I went to bed. I have a little more energy but I don’t know if its because I slept for 10 hrs or the increase.
I am still depressed.
I still feel urges to self harm.
I still hear voices.
I still see people that are not there. I still want to die.
3:52am – I guess if I had to say I would say I might be a little less depressed. I still find hope hopeless. I still want this to be the last medication and for it to work.
And for me not to get sick physically because of my cold house.
How much of my depression low is because of me screwing up my heating I do not know. But I was yesterday at a really real low.
3:34am – Slept for twelve hours. And feel okay. With my propane being delivered that weight is lifted. So hopefully my depression will lift too.
6:30am – I have not been happy in so long. I cant remember the last time on was with out weed in my system.
1:47am – If I had a regular schedule I might feel better. I am going to have to talk to my boss. I just hate doing that. And worry about the outcome not happening in my favor. I may not talk to him maybe once I get rid of John I can get something better going with myself. And not need to talk to my boss.
– my energy level is still kind of low. I don’t want to work but maybe that’s normal and I just don’t know.
1:10am – I am now paranoid and stop taking the Saphris. I am also shifting my thinking on how I want to treat myself.
I want to do less for the voices and hallucination stuff and more for the mood stuff.
My mood is in a better state minus the fact that I think I am getting sick. I feel better and have good energy.
1:55am – sleeping a lot but my mood is better. I feel more positive just on the Latuda and klonopin. I think if I add maybe an antidepressant I may find happy. Still looking for that. So if you see it tell it I am looking for it.
6:27am – Tired, nervous about my first day at new job and bored killing time till I start.
Sick and down.
Sick and down/ depressed.
“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” – Philip K. Dick
“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” — Doctor Who
“The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.” – Tom Smothers
“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.” ― George Orwell
“If you don’t work on important problems, it’s not likely that you’ll do important work”. – Richard Hamming
“Being in a minority, even in a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad.” – Orwell
“When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.” Otto von Bismarck