The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind. Home Of: MichaleJGranata.com & LillyMakar.com
I have made a flaw in my judgement. I tried to help a coworker or two that I spend the majority of my day with feel safer by tiring to explain me. I have failed because it has seemed to work in the opposite effect.
“they fear what they don’t understand” -unknown to me
“no one will ever care for a retard and you are retard. So no one will ever care for you.” – The lady that birthed me mother.
Both hit my mind at the same time.
This is nothing new expect for I thought I would be able to drop the front or act and be more myself. The reason why is that my cat or front takes so much energy. So much thinking, so much not feeling right. Watching the person I am with, dissecting their every move and miorring back those actions to make them feel comfortable and believe in the lies.
I had hope that she was different since she said it didn’t bother her, I believed the lie. I miss read the body because I was warped up in the belief emotional.
I need to stop being a bitch, I need to stop this emotional shit. I am being such a pussy. I want to talk and talking is for the weak. I know I am to blame, it my worthlessness as that bought the lie of talking will help. but I know how started this, and her lie of never leaving garbed me. It has not even been a year and I am still a wreck. Still weak. Still worse.
My case manager was the one that told me, my boss did not even want to brig it up. I think she maybe also afraid of me. Makes me think of a lot of recent comments in a different light. What if the not paying more is her way of forcing me out?
I feel like I just can not let anyone ghetto know me, bouncing around from acquaintance to acquaintance might be something I need to go back too.
It in the end the rejections would hurt less. But then again becoming hurtless would also to that, why chcikie had to bring me out of that with her warm touch. Why in nineish months have I not been able to go back to that. I am a bitch and need to stop being such.
I will burn the bitch out of me if kills me. I have to remember the lessons Nick tought me about beating out those women things.
Men don’t have feelings.
Real men have pain & vodka.
After thought: I guess the sting is not so much of what they think as much as how true it is. The evil scare.
“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.” – Philip K. Dick
“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” — Doctor Who
“The only valid censorship of ideas is the right of people not to listen.” – Tom Smothers
“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.” ― George Orwell
“If you don’t work on important problems, it’s not likely that you’ll do important work”. – Richard Hamming
“Being in a minority, even in a minority of one, did not make you mad. There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad.” – Orwell
“When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.” Otto von Bismarck