The Story of Mike, My Fight For Lilly & My Defective Mind. Home Of: MichaleJGranata.com & LillyMakar.com
A place for me to get stuff out of my head. This will get bigger in time.
*These are thoughts I think as well as things the people in my head are saying.
****I use to keep a journal on here but I got away from it because i am not at home in front of my pc like i was. And I have the need again to get crap out of my head so I started this. I now have a tablet so it makes this possible to do on the go.****
11/14/13They are going to put you in the hospital if you tell them You are all ready to crazy You are evil so no one wants you. You are ugly so no one wants you You are hopeless so no one wants you Your life is a fake, your support group is fake, your life is a fake and will be seen. You are so dumb you are going to over eat this weekend, you have not where to go and no one that cares. so yes your fat ugly dumb ass will over eat.
Is hurting myself better then opening up so someone else can?
Can I over come what I was born into. Am I stuck at depressed? Am I always going to have to fight for a fake happy feeling? Is that fight worth it or are the people right and I should give up and be angry.
I want to run from caring because it is a scary emotion. I run from all positive emotins because I fear their outcome. My circle theory is: bond, care and then get hurt.
Why do I find it so easy to fit in / act normal when all I want to do is cry out.
How do I do anything but what I know?
All I know is pain, hate and alone!
How do i not run from people who may care even if it is a fake caring?
People that care only want to hurt and manipulate you with emotions!
How do I see myself as worth while when all I hear is I am not?
How do I love?
How do I care at all when my soul believes caring to be evil?
When will I get ahead of anything, why must I always be the one running as fast as I can at the back of the race?
Why can’t I do anything good enought?
Why is selfdestruction the most confortable thing I know?